i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
