the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
