Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
