just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
