he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
