am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
