He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
