She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
