all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
