We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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