I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
