you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
