ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
