Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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