Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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