I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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