He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
