Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
