Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
