Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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