Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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