The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
