Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
