Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All the doctor said was why
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
