dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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