$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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