butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
