were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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