mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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