Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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