what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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