I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
