blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
