i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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