either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
