I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
