Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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