do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
