? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
