Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
