strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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