I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
