just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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