Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
