Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
