Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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