not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
