I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
