You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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