my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
